A Short, Not-Sweet, Rant About Influencers

Bring back the guillotine!

For use on selfish influencers who are out of control to get the perfect picture for social media (especially Instagram).

Yeah, I’m on social media (Facebook and Twitter – it’s okay, I’m in my early 60s), but I don’t disrupt the enjoyment of others to take five minutes and twenty annoying poses to get one perfect picture.  

I don’t ignore rope lines to jump in front of everyone to get pictures of me with the Mona Lisa for likes on InstaFace (as Bill Belichick memorably called it) or views on TikTok (which a strong bipartisan majority in Congress voted to ban, so that needs to take effect asap).

Two particularly annoying examples:

● At the famed Grand Clock on the 5th floor of Musee d’Orsay, people understandably like to pose in front of it.  Which is fine, but take your two pictures and move on.  Instead, these young women would take turns getting 10-15 pictures of themselves in front of the clock, forcing everyone else to either take their picture in front of the clock and not getting themselves there.

● People by passing the velvet rope to get their picture taken in front of the Mona Lisa.  Guards apparently are not allowed, probably because of lawsuit possibilities, to physical remove them, so they get their picture at everyone else’s expense, and leave with no consequence.

Here’s an idea – bring back the guillotine!  Getting your head chopped into a basket would be the ultimate way to get views on social media.

At the Musee d’Orsay, I was tempted to go stand with these young women as they were hogging the clock (too much time in front of the clock – huh, that’s kinda funny) to ruin their pictures and make them give up.  But Carol doesn’t want me to create a scene.  As an older white guy I’d probably have the book thrown at me in court or something.

At the Mona Lisa, I quickly snapped my selfie from BEHIND the rope line (Carol had moved along) and then left so others could get there.  Next time an influencer being rude by taking forever, I'm going to step into the middle of the photo and blithely take my two pics before leaving.