El Escorial: It's A Lot To Take In

I'm not telling you to NOT go to El Escorial, but I'm also not telling you to go there.  

(Editor's note: Is that a blog record three "nots" in the same sentence.  Writer: Not sure.)

El Escorial is huge.  It's austere.  It's brutal.  It could have been amazing, and in some ways it is.  But it also could have been so much more, given the money spent and the size built.

(Editor's note: A little background here might help.  Writer: Let's do this.)

The powerful King Phillip II decided to build a grand structure to the glory of God (and the king's family) after Spain defeated France in a crucial battle in 1557 (I suppose any battle that you are personally in would be a "crucial battle").  The result was El Escorial.

It was planned as a Catholic monastery, a school, a mausoleum for dead royals, and a palace to escape Madrid's heat and politics.  It is 30 miles northwest of Madrid, so it attracts day trippers.  We did not plan to stay overnight, so we drove up from Toledo and stopped on our way to Avila.

Rick Steves describes it as "a time capsule of Spain's golden age -- and its glorious decline."  As he writes, "you'll see grandiose buildings, colorful frescoes, quiet cloisters, a towering altarpiece, chandeliered rooms, canvases by Titian and El Greco, (and) an ingenious model of the cosmos."  

What it makes up in hulking, massive size, it lacks in typical Spanish charm and beauty.  It was also built to be a testament to Phillip's power, but what it lacks in beauty it makes up for in touring exhaustion.  If this is your first or second Spanish thing to see, you'll be impressed.  And, to be fair, some parts are impressive and even beautiful.  We parked below Parque Felipe II in very convenient public parking, grabbed an early tapas lunch, and then headed to the massive building.

The building, according to Rick Steves' book, "covers eight acres and has 2,600 windows, 1200 doors, more than 100 miles of passes, and 1,600 overwhelmed tourists."  Well, the day we were there it seemed like 1% of the 1,600 tourists, but it could be that the place is so massive it felt the tourists were outnumbered by the grim security guards.  My goal was to look at all 2,600, but I fell just short by, well, I have no idea.

Another thing I didn't like about El Escorial is that photos were not allowed unless you were taking pictures through a window.  I did sneak a few, and was yelled at by a couple different guards.  Surprisingly, Carol did not castigate me for drawing the attention of the guards.  Carol is a bit of a rule follower, and by "a bit of" I mean "quite the", but even she recognized the ridiculousness of the rule.

RANT TIME: I get the "no flash" rule -- I don't need flash to get good pictures.  But in Toledo, Avila, and Salamanca I could take pictures inside no problem.  Why can't you at El Prado, El Escorial, and a few other sights?  I suppose "El" is a dead giveaway that photos wouldn't be allowed?  It's a ridiculous and inconsistent policy.  RANT OVER.

There were certainly areas of El Escorial that I liked, but by the end, it was so much that we virtually sprinted through royal rooms in the palace.

We started in the Courtyard of Kings, which includes six kings of the tribe of Judah high above the courtyard.  You go from there into the pretty library.  There the books are shelved spine first to show off the golden pages.  There are also multiple globes from back in the day, including an armillary sphere which is a moving model of the solar system (the hand crank is not attached).  The sphere was designed by a math professor from Pisa, it was state of the art until a university colleague named Galileo came up with proof that the earth was not the center of our universe.

The library is impressive, even if it feels you will be sent to the principal's office if you get caught sneaking a photo.  I was considering it, and then saw another fellow sneaking some photos with his iPhone, so both Carol and I took some.  In comparison with other great library's, it isn't as impressive as the university library in Coimbra, Portugal, nor the Melk Abbey library in Austria, but it's still worth seeing.

From there you go to the Basilica, which features a 328 foot high dome and a 100 foot tall high altar of red marble and green jasper.  The highlight of the altar is the painting of San Lorenzo being roasted alive.  He reportedly told his Roman executioners that "you can turn me over now, I'm done on this side."  On either side of the altar are statues of Charles V with his family, and on the other is son Philip II, builder of El Escorial, using daddy's money.

The cloister isn't what we think of when we think of cloisters -- the contemplative middle is unreachable, but the artwork is pretty special.  Luca Giordano's ceiling fresco, The Glory of the Spanish Monarchy (it never hurts to suck up to your patrons) is up the main staircase.

And then you go back downstairs to Pantheon of the Princes, which are tombs of the nonruling royals, as well as the wedding-cake style Pantheon of Royal Children, those who died before the age of seven (and their first communion).  Then, down a hall and significant stairs, there is the Royal Pantheon, an octagonal room that stacks the bodies of 26 kings and queens.  It's daunting.

But wait, there's more.  Next you funnel through the Habsburg Palace, room after room of royal furniture, paintings, and other impressive stuff.  After that, it's up to the top of the building to see the Hall of Battles, which focused on Spanish military victories.  Younger royals would learn military tactics by studying the paintings.

Finally, you reach the Palace of Bourbons (there is no escaping the route, it just seems never ending).  The Bourbons, as is their wont, changed this wing into a mini Versailles.  The Bourbons took over around 1700 when the French defeated the Hapsburgs, who were quite Hapless by then.  That's when we started all-but-sprinting to get out.  Two hours in the building was more than enough, it would have been another 30-45 minutes if we had taken in the rooms we were blowing through.

The drive from Toledo to El Escorial was more exurban Madrid than I expected, but the drive from El Escorial to Avila was exactly what I expected -- rural, mountainous/hilly, lots of cows, peaceful and pretty.  On to the next town.