China Riffs

Unlike Hong Kong, at the beginning of the China part of the blog, I assumed I really would not have anything to riff on in China.  Since we were part of a group, I figured opportunities to riff were not going to happen.  Well, here I am again, riffing away.

Understand that riffs are simple observations, primarily of how life/people/culture in a country is different than in the United States.  I am not being judgmental (well, sometimes I am), but more noting the differences. 

Let’s start with cars/driving. . .

One of the cool things in China is that many stoplights have big countdowns next to the lights.  If the light is red, the digital clock will show the remaining second (in red) until the light turns green, and vice versa.  I’m sure critics will say that it increases the possibility that someone will jump the gun, but it seems to work well.  I like it because it decreases the frustration level waiting for lights.

There are very few old cars in China.  Only saw a handful of them. . .usually taxis.  And by old, I mean anything from the 1970s through, oh, 2015.  Not only did we see mostly cars from the last four-five years (or newer), but there were plenty of luxury status cars.  Porsche, BMW, Tesla, Range Rover, Jag, Maserati, Lexus, and more top end cars too numerous to mention.  I saw many Cadillacs (alas, none of them had a Dead Head sticker).  Even cars that were not top end were new and nice – Buicks, VWs (not bugs), and more. 

Oh, in the rural areas or poorer neighborhoods you see a wide variety of makeshift vehicles, such as three-wheeled cars or scooters with a small truck bed on the back, but the majority of cars were made in the last five years.

The law of passing has become clear to me – if the vehicle in front of you is going slower than you would like on a two-lane road, you can pass.  Apparently it is best to pass while going around a blind corner, going up a hill, or when oncoming traffic isn’t very far away but you still have a chance if you gun it.  Oh, I know, we’ve all done such foolish things, especially in our younger days, but not with the consistency and regularity of Chinese drivers.

Traffic lanes are suggestions, not required to be followed.  Multiple times I saw cars pass on the shoulder of the road when there was too much on-coming traffic to pass on the left.  Other times, cars would drift into half of each lane, trying to decide where the best opportunities lie in getting ahead faster.

Allowing electric scooters (larger than mopeds) to drive willy-nilly on the sidewalks and in road lanes AGAINST the flow of traffic is simply, to use a word, NUTS!  There is no such thing as a relaxing walk down the street.  Be aware -- Danger lurks, and it is usually heralded by a half-crazed scooter driver who thinks he/she does own the whole damn road, thank you very much.

There are a lot of bikes, but, as Andrew pointed out, many fewer than there were not long ago.  They do have the bikeshare stuff going on, and it still seems a reliable way to get about.

Toilets

Chinese toilets are holes in the ground.  Literally.  Western toilets were in high demand on the trip, especially among the ladies. I used a couple Chinese toilets, but only for the easy stuff.  The good news is that every scenic/historical place we stopped had Western toilets, including every hotel we stayed in (that was a relief. . .literally!). 

Leo told us that, like the Cultural Revolution from 1965-1975 (a failed policy that resulted in burning books, harassing teachers and intellectuals, and taking China on a great leap backwards), China is undergoing what they jokingly call the Toilet Revolution. . .installing more Western toilets to make the country more hospitable to foreign tourists. 

The Chinese don’t believe in toilet paper, and their hand dryers only take about 20 minutes to do the job right. Half the sinks in the bathrooms don't work, and those which do either work well, or just barely. It's pretty much hit or miss.

Point is – don’t let a fear of Chinese toilets scare the crap out of you – there are Western options too.

Staring At Foreigners

Despite the internet, movies, and TV – Chinese people still find Westerners visiting China to be fascinating and worth staring at.  And taking pictures of Westerners.  Ad nauseam.

People in the group had many stories of being asked to be in photos with Chinese folk.  One woman was asked to hold the family baby for a group photo. 

But most of all were the stealth photos.  You’d be walking along, and suddenly you would see a young woman who had been pointing her phone in the distance surreptitiously swing it and take a picture of you, or others in the group.  It happened a lot to Carol – tall woman, blond hair.  It didn’t happen as often to me – gray haired old guys apparently are not as interesting to them.  Actually, gray haired old men are not interesting to anyone.

(Editor’s Note: Pity party time?  Blogger: No (sniffle, sniffle).

Dining

I thought the food was fabulous.  Lots of variety, plenty of different flavors, and high quality food.  The fruits and vegetables were fresh.  More importantly, the fruits and vegetables were huge – I guess the longer growing season results in incredibly large fruits and vegetables.  There’s an Animal House zucchini joke in here somewhere, but this is a family blog, so I won’t bring it up.

I’m fine using chopsticks, although Leo tells me that my technique is all wrong.  Leo, I love you, but I don’t care.  My technique gets the food from my plate to my mouth, and that’s what counts.  It’s like the “experts” who criticized Hank Aaron’s swing.  It may not have been perfect technique, but it worked for the greatest homerun hitter of all time.  And don’t mention he who shall not be named (Barry Bonds) to me.

(Editor’s Note:  Did you just compare your handling of chopsticks to Hank Aaron’s baseball swing? Blogger: Well, when you put it that way, it does seem a mite bit over the top.  Editor: Oh, don’t put this on me – you are the one who made the comparison!  Blogger: Perhaps I got carried away).

Now to the unusual.  Napkins.  Would it kill the Chinese to supply napkins without having to ask?  Apparently.

But, here’s the biggest bone to pick.  Bones.  In the food.  When they serve whole chicken, duck, fish, goose, or pork, they cut and serve it in such a way that all the bones are cut up in it.  So, just when you think you are biting into some succulent fish or goose, it turns out most of it is bone.  C’mon people, learn to carve so the food is actually edible.  The presentation is nice, but the bones ruin the effect.

Cell Phones, et al

Andrew noted that the Chinese did not grow up with TV.  So, now that they have cell phones, they have their noses buried in the screens.  Americans under age 35 are annoying enough (somewhere, my three daughters are shaking their heads, muttering about me – which was pretty much my goal), but Chinese make Americans look restrained.  And that’s hard to do.

I’m not sure which is worse – the sudden stops on a busy sidewalk for selfies, the people who swerve while they walk because they are staring at their phones, or the drivers who stare at their cell phones while driving (do as I say, not as I do).  Wait, winner, winner chicken dinner!  The worst are the people staring at their cell phones on a busy sidewalk with no apparent awareness that they are about to bowl you over.  Instead of both pedestrians sliding a little to the side, they walk straight on, oblivious to how close they are to absolutely trucking you. 

And each time, I vowed not to move an inch, and instead bam into them.  And each time, I would be the polite American and move.  I know, old man yells at cloud, but let me tell you, the lack of street pedestrian etiquette is stunningly annoying AND annoyingly stunning.

Oh, since it is in the same neighborhood, even though it is not cell phone related, the genetic unwillingness of the Chinese to line up and patiently wait their turn is insidious.  Line cutting is ubiquitous – even in security lines!  For a culture used to following order, there is no order to lines.  Bill noted darkly that the next person who cut in front of him was going to end up staring at the sky.  Since Bill is 6’3” and a former Wisconsin tight end, he could deliver.  But, like me, he’s too nice.  Or afraid of the Chinese police.  Or both. 

(Editor’s Note: Glen, you are not very nice.  Blogger: Shhh!  I have some people fooled.)

Carol saw one of our local guides, Handsome David (his funny nickname for himself – he said his wife used to call him Handsome David, but then he lost his hair), took crowd matters into his own hands – well, actually, his own arm.  At the Dazu Grottoes, there was a choke point – literally millions (actually figuratively millions) of people, mostly kids on class trips, were clogging up the stairs right next to a particularly important set of carvings.  No one could move anywhere. 

Handsome David was yelling at the kids, and their teachers, from the top of the stairs.  No one was listening to him.  Even if they could, it didn’t matter, as no one could move in either direction.

It was a wide set of stairs, but the whole flow was coming down. He had carved out a lane.  An old woman tried to cut around him and use that lane to go down, when he whipped out his arm and clothes-lined the old woman like he was Mike Curtis.  She got the message and went to a different part of the stairs.

Related to that, the presence of the police is quite prominent – especially in the crowded areas.  The heavy presence makes two points – to prevent crime, yes, but also to make a point that Big Brother is watching.

Hot Water

Oh, don’t misunderstand this.  The hot water in the sinks and showers at our hotels was great.  Never a problem.  In the public restrooms, some places you get hot water, some places you don’t, but that’s true pretty much any country, except for those where you don’t get any hot water.

It’s about being served hot water to drink.  Oh, you probably read my riff about this already.  So I won’t write it again.

(Editor’s Note: Oh that.  THAT was NOT a riff, that was a rant.  Even worse than your rants about Europe’s preference for room temperature drinks, and when you want it cold, they drop just one ice cube in the drink and pretend that is sufficient.  Blogger: Am I wrong? Editor: Well. . .no.  Blogger: Vindication!)

Gaudy, Not Gaudi

Chinese people like bright and shiny things – from clothes (lots of sequins) to buildings lighting up at night to up-lighting trees in the parks at night, to the Disneyesque lighting in the cave, to the bridges, and, don’t forget, in stores.  There are lots of LED lights everywhere, drawing citizens and tourists alike, like moths to a flame.  Oooh. . .bright shiny lights.  Must go.  Must buy. 

It’s like Las Vegas threw up all over China.

Smoking

Smoking is commonplace in China.  I’ve heard that rate is 33%, although I don’t know that for certain. 

The one annoyance is that plenty of people brazenly flout the no smoking law.  Indoor smoking is banned, but people do it anyhow.  At least three times at restaurants, I walked into bathrooms and people were smoking.  I wanted to knock the cigarettes onto the floor, but they probably know kung fu, and that wouldn’t end well for me.

Other times, I would walk into an elevator, and it clear someone had been smoking.  In one of the nice hotels we stayed in, we walked out of our room to the elevator, and there was a crushed cigarette butt on the floor.  The hotel lounge in Guilin was nice to relax in, but one night one nearby table was full of smokers. 

For a country where everyone is being watched, they sure are casual with indoor smoking laws.

Communism and Capitalism

Most of us know from history that communism/socialism does not work.  The rest of us think Bernie Sanders isn’t a nutter, even though he is.  Having come of age in the 1970s and 1980s I’m in the former category (if you couldn’t tell).

China is weird.  It’s a mostly capitalist economy that is running wild.  Income, trade, jobs, all booming.  This is not Mao’s China.  At the same time, the Communist party controls all political/governing decision-making.  The economy has become a worker’s paradise, whilst the people remain under the thumb of the government. 

They control the media, to the point where they block websites such as Facebook, Twitter, and Google for not going along with their policies.  There are government security cameras everywhere, and they track you by fingerprints (welcome to China!) and facial recognition. 

China is Animal Farm meets The Wolf of Wall Street.  I kid you not.  The high end stores in the biggest cities put New York to shame.  The luxury cars.  The expensive real estate.  The control of the news and political system.

Andrew told us that there are 100 million apartments that have been built that are empty, because the development boom is so crazed.  At some point, a balloon is going to pop on that over-development.

Obviously, not everyone is benefiting.  Especially in the rural areas.  And, there’s the horrible, terrible pollution that a few times left my eyes burning and my throat coughing.  Ian has an app for checking air quality, and every time he looked at it, the numbers were grim.

The Chinese are generally in great shape – Leo jokes he takes his BMW to work – bus, metro, and walk.  But at some point, they will pay the health care piper on respiratory diseases.

Wrap-Up

Since this is the longest riffs I’ve ever written in one post, it’s time to wrap it up.  First, a quick note thanking Carol for her contributions to the riffs.  I ran this post by her and she had some good additions, reflected in this content.

Chinese culture is Chinese culture, and it’s shaped by thousands of years of tradition no less than a Fiddler on the Roof.  It’s shaped by politics, and its economy/lifestyle is changing and growing by leaps and bounds.  So, there’s only a few recommendations I have for making it better!

First, become a democracy, with free elections that give the other political parties a chance to win.  (Editor’s Note: Uh, don’t hold your breath).

Second, less pollution (Editor’s Note: Uh, hold your breath, for your own well-being).

Third, stop looking the other way on smoking indoors.

Fourth, Napkins and cold drinks.  Trust me – you will thank me!

Fifth, and most importantly, no more electric mopeds allowed on sidewalks!  Simply doing this one simple safety change would be a huge cultural improvement. 

The rest of the country is pretty, pretty, pretty good.  There, don’t you feel better?

Don’t get me wrong.  I like China.  I really do.  I’m not sure I will ever go back, but that’s mostly because there is still much of this world for us to see.